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Okay, so first nobody reads anymore, but now it's because the book industry can't pop off a great work every year. Um. Okay, here's the funny thing about literature: it, like movies, doesn't have a Mindpopper every fucking year. And considering this year alone we've had new novels by the hot newbies like Foer, the phenom that is Rowling, the stuffy stand-bys that are Doctorow and Wolfe, and will shortly be having new stuff by Gaiman and Gabaldon--look, it's not like there's a drought, people. There's good stuff out there, and if the industry isn't making Titanic dollars, consider the fucking economy.

I'm just saying.

(Oh, and Aimee Bender has a new short story collection out soon also. If it's anywhere as good as her first, I'm totally there.)

Plus there's the whole "don't know a good thing when it bites you in the ass syndrome." Seriously, it took Shakespeare a couple hundred years before someone said, "Shit, this dude rocks!"

There's also a serious amount of inexplicable "books are like medicine" snobbery going on: if it doesn't hurt going down, it can't be good for you! Needless to say I've never gotten into that logic. Look, Lord of the Flies isn't a groundbreaking work. The reason people keep teaching it is because it doesn't have any sex and it shows little brats what happens to little brats without adults: namely they all become godless savages. So remember: make fun of the fat kid all you want, but don't kill him! Or the Jesus figure! Well him you can kill but only if you're sorry about it afterword! Got it?!

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