Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Art, Depression, and Art

I've been very moody this week for some reason I can't quite identify. I don't know how much is just exhaustion and/or frustration and/or who knows. I just feel extreme.

I got a postcard from Scott today: he'd written it when he was in New Mexico, but he forgot my address so he sent it to me from Baltimore. He sent regards from his bear Oakley, who misses me, and a pawprint. And my tummy did that flippy thingie I need to try to stamp out.


So, yeah, moody. And I finally saw Max which I am trying to figure out. That's the movie where John Cusack plays young Adolf Hitler's Jewish art teacher-dealer. Allegedly the movie asks us wouldn't the world have been a fluffy-bunny place if Hitler had just become a sensitive painter. Interestingly the Netflix envelope says that Cusack's character is "discouraging" when in fact he is the only one who really has a belief in Hitler's, um, talent. As it is young Adolf gets onto this whole "Art + Politics = Power" thing and we the audience go "oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit." The idea of art as politics is an interesting one, and I fully plan on watching the commentary later as some of the images (particularly the closing ones) I just didn't get. I don't, however, buy the idea that if Hitler would've become an artist then the world would have been a better place. History is created much more by society as a whole than the acts of individuals: if it hadn't been Hitler, it would've been someone else. I also don't buy the idea--not necessarily inherent in the film itself but in some of its possible readings--that because of a bad experience/teacher whatever, a sensitive artist can become crushed and then become something horrible. I'm sure there's a helluva lot of people out there who's dreams were crushed, but I don't think any of them became dictators. I'm just sayin'.


I also finished reading Elizabeth Wurtzel's More, Now, Again which is a memoir about the author's various addictions and fucked-up relationships and everything. It's fascinating to read true stories about people who feel exactly the same way you do, but deal with it completely differently. I've never had an addiction, except possibly to certain people, and I've always kept my self-destructive urges at bay. But I've always felt fear and a certain amount of self-loathing, and sometimes that is hard to deal with.

After some experiences, I'm definitely not sure how to deal. Sometimes I feel so tired and sick of myself, I've contemplated going back into therapy. I guess my main problem there is I've never been able to fully communicate myself which makes talking difficult and even pointless--there's maybe, maybe three people in this whole world I can talk to, and only one I can say truly knows all of me. So what do you do?


Final thoughts:

1) I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon. I dread wearing a black bloody suit when we have a heat advisory, so I'm thinking about just taking it in my bag and changing before I leave work.

2) For all my programmer friends: go check out Bug Bash and laugh!


( 3 comments — Add your .02 )
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 12th, 2005 02:10 am (UTC)
Oh dear, not sporking!!

Thanks for therapy thoughts. It's an issue I waffle on, particularly due to financial issues. Plus I'm just *not* comfortable with talking about some stuff. :/
( 3 comments — Add your .02 )

Latest Month

May 2018


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow