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More Moodiness

I can't believe I have a four day weekend coming up and nothing to do. I really wish I could've gone home or something but I couldn't get tickets (yes, bad planning on my part). It would've been very short anyway, annoyingly so for the hassle, and for all I know my family would be going to FL anyway, but I still feel lonely that pretty much everyone I know will be with loved ones except me. Hopefully some more Netflix movies will be here Saturday and Sunday I may treat myself to a movie or something.

Maybe it's just as well I'll be alone, I feel like I'd be horrible company right now. I'm sure some of this is just early PMS but a lot of it is just still being upset over Scott and completely unsure what to do or what he really wants. (I'm sorry, but, well, okay, does a guy *really* send you what for him is a long email talking about how much he misses you, but still saying he did the right thing, but go on about you and ask about what you're doing, and there truly be 0 interest involved? I mean it'd be one thing if this was a months years long relationship, but we went out officially for like three weeks, plus three more weeks prior to that in a more than friendly way? Or is my relationship history just so fucked up that I'm overreading what normal guys do?!) I want to call him, but I want to know it's actually okay to call, and well, I guess I'm just afraid he thinks that/I just plain am some weird freak. On top of all of that angst last night I had a deeply worrisome dream about him, too, which does not soothe my freak-fears in the least!

So yeah, bored, lonely, and moody, dat me.

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April 2018


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