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Title: In the Belly Of
Author: caitri
Rating: PG
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, Steve/Tony
Word Count: 741
Summary: Because space whales…fish…are a thing. In multiple universes. (Look, Todd asked and I said Okay, and this is what happened. I don’t know either.)
Disclaimer: I know this may come as a shock, but I am not, amazing as it may seem, Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Bad Roboy, Joss Whedon, Stan Lee, or Marvel Pictures. Just so you know.

Leonard knew it was going to be a bad day when they came across the fairly inexplicable random asteroid and Jim wanted to go explore it (with a slap to the shoulder and an excessively cheerful “C’mon, Bones, it’ll be fun!”) and this was only confirmed several hours later when he was in the stomach of what appeared to be a giant space whale.

This was his life now. He didn’t even know, either.

“So,” says the other guy in here (and Leonard has officially seen it all now, because the man has a glowing circle in his chest), “tell me what’s a nice fella like you doing in a shitty parable like this?”

“Same ship, different week,” says Leonard. “You Starfleet?” The guy doesn’t look it, but the damply clinging black clothes might be regulation issue. Might be.

“Sounds intriguing, but no.” He talks fast; he doesn’t spare much of a glass at Leonard, just keeps walking the periphery of the—the room, Leonard tells himself, think of it as a room, a wet and stinking room—their confines and exploring it impatiently. “Typically I’m an independent contractor, but right now I’m gross and determined to get out of here before a messy and ignominious death. Tony Stark,” he concludes, like it should mean something.

“Leonard McCoy. Pleased to meet you.” Leonard knows he doesn’t sound like it, but he is glad for the company. “I’m afraid I lost my communicator when I got—swallowed.”

Stark makes a thoughtful humming noise. “My comm hasn’t been working either, but it might be a distance issue. You got a ship? Augh!” This last is uttered as the space whale’s guts contract around them and they are drenched in a shower of foul liquid.

“Digestive acid,” Leonard diagnoses. “We don’t have long.” And they don’t; his bare skin itches with the stuff, and it won’t be long before the rest of it seeps through his clothes, too. “The Enterprise is out there if we can get a signal to them.”

“Good to know,” says Stark, pulling out a palm-sized device of some kind. “Not sure where my people are. Cap’s not gonna be happy with me, I know that much!”

“Overprotective commanding officer? Wish I had one of those.” Leonard winces as something moves under their feet. “I am not paid enough for this—”

“Keep your hat on, peaches,” says Stark. “There!” He sounds satisfied and not unlike Jim when he’s especially pleased with himself. There’s a roll of static and then Jim himself, strained voice filtering through the comm.

“This is Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enter—”

“Jim!” Leonard sounds more relieved than he should be, but he’s not going to worry about it right now. “Can you get our signal?”

“Bones!” Jim sounds about the same, relieved beyond measure. “Yeah, hold on!”

The air starts to shimmer around them in the familiar disintegration of transportation. “Uh,
what’s—” Stark sounds uneasy, and then they are in the transporter room, Scotty at the controls. “—happening? Steve!” This last exclamation is in the direction of a tall man standing to the side. He’s wearing unfamiliar, skin-tight blue armor of some kind, and his dark blond hair is in disarray.

The stranger grins at them, but his eyes are on Stark. “Cutting it close, Tony. What have I told you about that?”

“Something disapproving, I’m sure, Cap. Too bad I wasn’t listening.” Stark doesn’t sound apologetic at all, just saunters off the pad to stand next to Steve. He looks up at “Cap” with a smirk. “Miss me?”

Steve shakes his head and squeezes Tony’s shoulder. “Only when you get in trouble without me.”

It’s touching, it really is, but Leonard kind of wants to crawl out of his own skin right now. He means to start ordering a decontamination shower, but that’s when Jim runs in (of course). “Bones!”

“Hey, kid.” Okay, maybe it can wait a few seconds. Leonard steps down off the pad. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.” He’s not going to tell him what he really thinks, no he’s not.

Jim opens his mouth, closes it. “Yeah, likewise,” he says, but his expression says more. Leonard wants to tell him not to be obvious, they bend enough regs as it is. “Glad to have you back.”

“Yeah, me too,” Leonard says, and Jim smiles at him like he can hear the rest.

Author's Apologies

This is what happens when I can't say no to dares or...requests...or whatever. So, yeah. Sorry.


( 14 comments — Add your .02 )
Jul. 4th, 2012 09:43 pm (UTC)

And askjhkjh love the line about the parable, of course Leonard would use that :'D

Jul. 5th, 2012 06:00 am (UTC)
Yes, yes he would! ;)
Jul. 4th, 2012 09:55 pm (UTC)
Space whale, yay!
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:01 am (UTC)
Space whale..fish...leviathan...(mana wyrm)...thing!! <3
Jul. 4th, 2012 09:58 pm (UTC)
And now I want a ST:XI/Firefly/Avengers crossover. It's all your fault.
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:02 am (UTC)
Umm. Hmm. I don't know how that would work.... ...let me think about it. ;)
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:05 am (UTC)
IDK either, but I was rereading your ST:XI/Firefly Xover earlier and was wanting more, so...
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:07 am (UTC)

I always wanted those fics to become an epic novel and it never happened. But at least what I got down mostly got posted, so hey. :)
Jul. 5th, 2012 04:14 am (UTC)
Now I want to see Jim giving Tony a tour of the Enterprise and Tony/Scotty bonding over technology. Hooking his arc reactor up to the warp drive and seeing what happens. Then Leonard gives Steve some Romulan ale and Steve finds out he really can get drunk. You need to write this, please?
Jul. 5th, 2012 06:03 am (UTC)
*thinks* I think Jim would *start* to give the boys a tour and then Tony would run off with Scotty and they would just talk in equations for HOURS, then Jim and Steve would start drinking. "No waaaaay, I'm a Captain too!"
Jul. 7th, 2012 10:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was darling.
Jul. 27th, 2012 09:52 pm (UTC)
Ack so late! But glad you like it, bb!!!! <3
Jul. 26th, 2012 12:09 pm (UTC)
muahaha my two favorite pairings!
Jul. 27th, 2012 09:52 pm (UTC)
*G*G*G* Glad you liked it!!!
( 14 comments — Add your .02 )

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