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Another long day

Spent all of day in DC at LC. Most of time was spent opening mail which believe it or not was quite fun--it was so neat looking at all the stuff people sent in like photos and manuscripts and just reading personal histories. Some examples include a Pearl Harbor survivor, a Tuskeegee Airman, a guy who wrote a thirteen page "epic poem" in really good couplets describing his army training and adventures, and a large packet of Islamaphobic magazines from the "Army of Aggressive Christian Something or Others" who I guess thought it made sense to send to the Veteran's History Project as they too were "generals." The latter was so laughable: 23 magazines about the evilness of Islam and 2 brochures about the evilness of Communists and the Chinese. Wow.
And people wonder why I am a misanthrope. Also had fun as one of the people I worked with most was a newbie also from Georgia (Valdosta, specifically, but first time I've met someone coming from within 300 miles of my stomping grounds!).

Also back into good ol' soap operaticness. I need to figure out what to do, if anything, and I want to sooner rather than later except I don't know what all I can handle and it just seems so unfair to ask things sometimes. All I want to do is for me and mine to not be miserable, except we can only be more miserable, but right now it's just all pain anyway. Andrew told my Mom he hides her letters even though his wife doesn't go through his things "much", and that she was gone for the weekend to think about their marriage and he is taking care of her daughter and is all worried she will cry for her mom when it's bedtime. How pitiful is that? Jim encourages me to work more on myself but it's hard when you hear things like that. And to know my Mom can send letters of comfort and I can't.

I am also dreading next weekend. I've emailed a few friends about the possibility of some sort of Love Sucks get-together, which will be nice in the face of obnoxious popular culture bombardment.

Halfway through White Noise. Did I mention yesterday about the "immersion of American dread and magic" or was that just a conversation? Andrew says it can be found in a Walmart. I wonder about the combination of dread and magic, particularly since I am an atheist who studies Wicca. What are the symbols of despair and hope? And if you put them together, are they something like contentment, and maybe that is the key?

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April 2018


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