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Title: Lost in Translation
Author: caitri
Rating: NC-17 (Language, Sex)
Pairings: McCoy/OFC, Kirk/McCoy
Word Count: 1,693
Summary: Jim is not going to let Bones’s broken translator get in the way of his friend getting laid. A non-PWP for gadgetorious.
Warnings: Explicit sex, language.
Disclaimer: I know this may come as a shock, but I am not, amazing as it may seem, Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Paramount or Bad Robot. Just so you know.

Lost in Translation

The bars on Risa are awesome. Unbelievably awesome. So awesome that there’s an awkward incident involving a Cardassian Sunrise, this unbelievably gorgeous Perdian girl named Luura, and Bones’s universal translator.

“Relax, Bones,” Jim says manfully, “I’ve still got mine. I’ll translate.”

Luura blushes, her violet skin turning indigo. “That’s very kind of you, Friend Jim.”

“She says I’m kind, Bones,” Jim says, beaming.

Bones quirks an eyebrow at him. “Yeaaaaaaaaaah,” he says, drawling out the word long and low. “You gonna do that all night, Jim?”

Jim affects innocence. “Hey, man, I can hardly leave you in the lurch, can I?”

“Mmph,” Bones grunts. He gives Jim an odd, unreadable look, and then turns to Luura. “So where were we?” he asks.

The two of them are disgustingly cute together. Jim translates absently, doing his best to be a good wingman. Bones is relaxing and actually having a good time. He’s laughing and smiling and he is so giving Luura bedroom eyes, and—Jim regretfully supposes he should make a graceful exit about now.

“Well, guys,” he says, stretching self-consciously, “it’s late and I should let you two crazy kids have some alone time.” He beams at them. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Bones.”

“You’re not leaving, Jim,” Bones says to his surprise. He doesn’t blink, just talks like he’s stating the obvious. “You’re our translator.”

“You can’t leave!” Luura says at the same time. She jumps up and her dress, a garment made of dozens and dozens of gold-colored spangles, makes a soft sound like rain. “You must stay!”

“Uh,” Jim thinks about this for a fifth of a second as he takes in luscious Luura, with her violet skin, trim waist, and three pert breasts, and his best friend forever, Bones, dressed in a black shirt open to his heart and black slacks that suggest…things. “Okay,” he says.

Luura beams at him and takes Bones by the hand. “I owe you one, Jim,” he says, and then he’s following them back to their hotel.


The Risan hotel room is covered in brightly-colored fabrics and cushions, like they expect their guests to always plan for orgies. She rigs up a sort of curtain between two piles of cushions—one for their use and one where she installs Jim, but the cloth is diaphanous and he can basically see everything through a pink and golden film.

Bones nuzzles Luura and she giggles.

“You smell like green things,” Jim translates for her.

“It’s called cologne,” Bones says, sitting down on the edge of one of the tall, fat cushions that’s more like an ottoman than anything else. “It’s something Human men wear to attract amorous attention.”

“What does ‘amorous’ mean?” Luura asks with another giggle. She steps into the space between his legs, toying with the straps of her dress flirtatiously, belying the innocence of her query.

“Oh, it means that when a man is interested in a woman, he wants her to be interested too,” Bones says in a low voice.

Jim tries to keep his own tone steady as he repeats that. Bones’s voice was husky with arousal, and oh man, is he really going to watch this?

The thing is, Jim has had a crush on his best friend for—too long really. Bones is too many of the things that Jim adores: he’s sexy, he’s smart, he’s brave and true and loyal, and underneath that gruff, grouchy exterior he’s a truly caring man.

It’s too bad he’s not into dudes, is all. So if this is as close Jim can get—he’s not going to waste it. So.

Bones is toying with Luura’s dress now, running his fingers through the dangling bead-like ornaments of her dress, and lifts it up to her waist.

She’s bare beneath it.

Bones makes a low, growling noise of approval before bending to exhale softly over her navel, pulling her close to him. Luura makes a soft sigh as he runs the tip of his tongue from navel to cleft. “Talk to me, darlin’,” he says then. “I like it when my partners talk to me.”

Something about the emphasis he places on the words makes Jim shiver a little.

Luura giggles.

“Do what you did, just now,” Jim translates for her. “Yes, just there,” he says as Bones runs his tongue over her cleft again. He holds her folds open with two fingers then, mouth working with enthusiasm as he insinuates another finger inside her directly.

“Oh Goddess,” Jim translates. “There! Stay there!” Luura keens then. “That’s it!” Jim continues to translate though he suspects it’s increasingly superfluous, as the following commentary tended to be a part of what Jim used to call the universal language back in Xenolinguistics class (and God, how that had pissed Uhura off, too). “I like—ah!—the feel—oh!—of your tongue, Leonard, it—ah!—is so soft—“ she wobbles on the word, breaking it off as she makes a high keening sound again. Bones is making low sounds in the back of his throat, working her furiously to climax, and when she comes he guides her gently to the floor.

“Keep talkin’ to me, darlin’,” he says as she breathes heavily. He’s kissing up her body now, pulling her dress down beneath her breasts, mouthing each of her nipples in turn.

“Humans are so odd,” Luura mumbles dreamily. “So much talk!” He kisses her mouth then. “Talk less, touch more!” She pulls him to her then, divesting him of his shirt, pulling at his pants.

Bones’s laugh is earthy and rich. “You’re so impatient, darlin’. Humans like to take their time with things,” he continues as she unbuttons his slacks, and Not-so-little Bones is revealed in short order.

Jim sighs enviously. Luura is a lucky lady. She turns to look at him through the fabric, making an odd face before turning back to Bones. Face clearing, she smiles up at him before taking his cock in her mouth, humming softly.

“Fuck yeah, that’s good, darlin’,” Bones murmurs. He runs his fingers through her hair gently. She does something that makes him hiss. “Careful, darlin’, you keep that up we won’t have near as much fun as I’d planned to.”

Jim shivers again at that. His own cock is straining painfully against his jeans, and he palms himself lightly. He pauses, uncertain of the etiquette of jacking off while watching one’s best friend fuck behind a curtain when one is supposed to be translating. Bones moans loudly at that moment, and Jim groans in response, because Jesus, that is hot.

To his disappointment however, Luura pulls back, frowning. “I am uncertain you need me,” she says, looking up at Bones. “I think I should go now.” And to the men’s mutual astonishment, she rearranges the spangles of her dress, then pulls aside the cloth curtain. “I think you two will have a pleasant time without me,” she says to Jim, and then she’s gone.

Jim stares at Bones, and Bones stares back. The older man is naked, sprawled amongst the cushions, cock at half-mast. Jim is still clothed, his erection painful and obvious.

“So,” Jim says, “that was weird.”

Bones slumps back, seemingly unconcerned. “Too good to be true, I guess,” he says. He settles back, a monument to luxurious dishabille. “You want to help me with this?” he continues, nodding at the aforementioned….monument…to…

“Bones?” Jim asks, staring. “Are you sure, man?” He laughs awkwardly. “How much did you drink?”

“Come off it, Jim,” Bones says brusquely. “I’ve been in enough threesomes to know that when two guys bring a woman home, either she’s gonna want—“

“Wait,” Jim interrupts. “Sorry. You’ve been in threesomes?” And his voice didn’t just squeak on that last syllable, no it did not.

Bones looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Yes, Jim,” he says with false patience. “I know it’s incredible to believe that there are men out there who are as practiced as yourself, but believe me, I know a trick or five.”

Jim stares at him. “Huh,” he says, before breaking into a smile. “So that means you do do dudes?”

“Jim,” Bones says impatiently. “You are an idiot. Now are you going to get your ass over here or not?”

Jim is already moving to the other man, falling gracefully to his knees. He feels a bit like Christmas, and that he was very good this year. He’s uncertain what he wants to do first, so he settles back on the heels of his feet, admiring the man before him.

Bones shakes his head. “What?” he asks, but softly, in bemusement.

Jim laughs. “I just—I want to do so many things to you!” he says honestly. “I’m kind of overwhelmed. And, I didn’t know you were into—stuff,” he concludes lamely.

“Idiot,” Bones says, but softly now. He pulls Jim to him, kissing him gently. Bones is cleanshaven, and his cologne smells like grass after a summer rain. His scent is one of Earth and man, simple and wonderful. His cheeks are smooth, cleanshaven, and he tastes like the mint julep he had at the bar. Jim groans, senses pushed to hyper-stimulation by desire, frustrated longing, and delight.

“Fuck, Bones,” he exhales some time later. “Why didn’t we do this earlier?”

Bones rolls his eyes. “You never asked, Jim,” he says. “Idiot,” he repeats for good measure.

Jim kisses him again hungrily, then takes the older man’s cock in his hand. Bones moans into his mouth, and Jim grips him more tightly, enjoying the throbbing pulse of the the other man in his hand. “Fair warning, Bones,” he murmurs, “I might never stop asking after this.”

“I can live with that, I think,” Bones says as Jim drifts lower, replacing his hand with his mouth. “I think I could definitely live with that, darlin’.”

“Keep talking, it’s hot,” Jim says with a cheeky grin. “Besides, how will I know if you’re having a good time if you don’t tell me?”

Bones snorts and bats at him with a pillow.

Things devolve from there.

In a completely awesome way, of course.



As gadgetorious notes, apparently for me PWP stands for Porn? What Porn? *headdesk*


( 31 comments — Add your .02 )
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
My love. Let me show you it.

I retaliated by writing you a story with no porn. :P
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:52 am (UTC)
Soooo if I write actual porn will I see the sketches of Rohirrim!Jim? *shit-eating grin*
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Jul. 30th, 2010 01:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Jul. 30th, 2010 01:58 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 30th, 2010 02:12 am (UTC)
Lol, Porn? What porn? *giggles* The FIRST fic I ever wrote was PWP, so it still just boggles the mind that you don't write them.

But, mmmm, sexy talking and voyeurism. Niiiiiice.
Jul. 30th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
:D Thank you! Especially considering you're AWESOME at the porn-writing!!!!!!!!! (Also, the icon? Makes me die a little in a good way...)

And yeah, apparently I can't really write proper sex without at least twenty pages of plot first. o_0

I've actually given a print copy of Common Grounds to a good friend of mine for comments on how to rewrite some of it. He's a nice Mormon boy, so I deleted all the sexy-times for his mental well-being. Anyhow, when I gave him the print-out he said, "Shit!! This sucker's LONG!!! I thought you said you got rid of the porn?!" I said, "I did!! That's just the story parts!" He said, "But it's LONG! I thought that defeated the purpose for you slash-writers!!!!" Um, yeah.
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:09 am (UTC)
Still completely fantastic.
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:14 am (UTC)
Awww!!! Thank you!!!!! :D
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:26 am (UTC)
Completely awesome way indeed~
Jul. 30th, 2010 05:09 am (UTC)
Aww, thanks!!!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:31 am (UTC)
Mmmm, this is such a delicious Bones! Can't blame Jim for not knowing where to begin. ;-)
Jul. 30th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC)
Hee, thanks!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
This was a lot of fun, thanks for sharing!
Jul. 30th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC)
Awesome, thanks!!
(no subject) - caitri - Jul. 30th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 30th, 2010 06:04 am (UTC)
This is.. wow. Very awesome.
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC)
Sweet, thanks!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 06:17 am (UTC)
That was lovely, sweet and hot.
Jul. 30th, 2010 06:33 am (UTC)
This is fantastic!

Things devolve quickly from there is clearly how McCoy drescribes their entire relationship.
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:13 pm (UTC)
LOL that is so true!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 07:34 am (UTC)
so love this! even without the porn. maybe even because lack of porn. cause its still sexy.

and don't feel bad about not being able to write it. i have to force myself to and i don't have a beta for the very reason that i'm usually blushing if i have to describe that i've written porn to someone else and then hide in a pillow. thus, why everything i write has far too many words. cause i need the squishy feeling to justify sexy times. *sighs at the sad product her society has created*
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:15 pm (UTC)
Ok yeah I know EXACTLY how that goes! But I really prefer longer stories anyway (can you tell?)
Jul. 30th, 2010 09:56 am (UTC)
There may have been a lack of porn, but there was NOT a lack of sexy times :D

Lovely characterisation as always :D
Jul. 30th, 2010 01:17 pm (UTC)
Awesome, I'm glad to hear it worked!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 11:05 am (UTC)
Her loss, our gain. More of the boys on Risa, please?

Jul. 30th, 2010 01:18 pm (UTC)
Lol I'll see what I can do!
Jul. 30th, 2010 12:21 pm (UTC)
AWWW, that was great and it was actually pretty sexy, Jim behind the curtain, forced to translate just so that Bones could hear his voice while he was doing things to the perceptive to Luura.

Jul. 30th, 2010 01:19 pm (UTC)
Yay, glad to hear it!!
Jul. 30th, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC)
Oh that was ADORABLE! And I wish Luura had stayed, but I'm like that. *points to icon*
Jul. 30th, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
Hee, thank you!
Mar. 28th, 2011 04:49 am (UTC)
Lost In Translation...
Ah, the language of love.

Well done, I really enjoyed this! Plenty of "Plot" and suggestions of "What Plot", so a job well done all 'round, I would say.

Thank you for writing and sharing such a darling little tale.
( 31 comments — Add your .02 )

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