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Important factoids first:

1) Yes, it was awesome.

2) Sadly, no, there was no Kirk/Spock slash.


Commentary is post-cut. Warning: it uses absa-fucking-lutely necessary profanity.

So I had my doubts about this puppy. First I read the Countdown prequel comics which I thought were excessive in mythology, as they have Spock, Picard, Geordi, Data, Worf, and hella-references. And so I thought: movies that involve four issue prequels sometimes have problems. Secondly, Abrams loves blowing shit up. He really really does. And he blows shit up here too--multiple ships, two planets, and craploads in between.


The good, and by good I mean awesome:

*The characterizations of the main cast are dead on. Absolutely fucking perfect every damn time. Which when you think about it, is pretty fucking incredible.

*Young Spock. Young Spock beating the bejeezus out of a kid who mocks his parentage. Older Spock basically telling the Vulcan Council to eat it. Hell yes.

*The continuity. Pike. The reference to Scotty's unfortunate past with "one of Admiral Archer's prized beagles." Gorgeous.

*Using the continuity to make a reboot: Props there, guys. Props.

*Kirk beating the Kobayashi Maru.

*The gratuitous and necessary red-shirt biting it in a brutal, subtle-ish, and hilarious fashion.

*Sulu bringing a katana to a fist fight.

*Chekov having issues with "V" sounds.

*Leonard Fucking Nimoy. Hell yeah, dude.

The meh:

*Abrams stole lots of stuff from Firefly and BSG. From Firefly/Serenity: Sound disappears in vacuums a couple of times. Long tracking shots through the ship. A climactic fistfight on a weird rotating thingie over a void thingie. Also, Kirk and Pike liberate some Romulan guns that look damn close to six-shooters. From BSG: they stole the warping effects and sound effects. I would be less bugged by these things if they had put some quiet references to the source material.

*Similarly, the first ten minutes were so damn melodramatic I thought he'd start stealing from Superman Returns and have someone being all "The Father becomes the Son, and the Son becomes the Father," blah blah blah.

*Speaking of: So Kirk has Daddy issues and Spock has Mommy issues? Pfft.

*Spock and Uhura? Man, Nurse Chapel's in for a helluva surprise isn't she? Also, doesn't this mean Spock is dating a student? Isn't that uncool?

The bad:

*Eric Bana is wasted. It's like they told him every damn scene, "now crouch here and growl some." Nero has a tragic past and stuff--you can tell because he keeps a holograph of his dead pregnant wife in the background while interrogating Pike. I think we should be feeling all Magneto-ey for this guy, we can kinda emphasize with him even though we really want him to stop blowing shit up. But no. And then there's the aforementioned crouching. Sigh.

*Nope, still no gays. Kirk is such an uber-horndog as a young guy, a bi reference would have been beautiful. But no, and no one else either. Argh.

*Spock's parents. In TOS, Spock had the awesomest, cutest parents. These people--nuh uh. Wynona Fucking Ryder?? Shee-it. Can't we just like reuse archival footage and make it blend?

*Abrams blowing up so much shit and using so much flashy hand-held camera that all the fight and action scenes are blurs. Sulu brought a fucking katana to a fistfight, and I saw next to NONE of that. Utter waste.


I am quite pleased, to say the least. If they do an honest-to-gods reboot and start up a new series or movie franchise, I'm so friggin' in.


( 2 comments — Add your .02 )
May. 8th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
...you seriously expected slash references?

...any good reason why?

I mean, I know ST is one of the franchises that's a huge whore for its fanbase (replaced in the #1 spot by Supernatural) - but really?

Edited at 2009-05-08 05:43 am (UTC)
May. 8th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
Less expectation and more hope, mostly because Abrams tends to be pretty aware of his fanbase and play with it. I'm wondering if there was supposed to be something there and it got cut, because of the two conversations with Kirk and a Red-shirt where they call each other "Cupcake."
( 2 comments — Add your .02 )

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