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Missing

I just really missed Scott today. I don't know what it is exactly, me coming to terms with overness or what, but walking home from work I was just really struck somehow by all the things I was never going to get to do with him again: watching movies, walking, listening to trees, looking at things, holding hands, teasing him about his cannibal fish (Hannibal Lecter, a mean guppy who ate all his other guppies), listening to funny stories, hearing what Oakley was up to. I just feel very much a loss. I wish I was strong enough to be friends with him, and wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but I know it would just be pain unlike all other pains to watch him when he found someone whom he did want to be with.

In the meantime, there's everything else I have to deal with. My supervisor (who I've been with since I came to work where I do) had a catfight with my new boss today and it was just intensely irritating: the new guy is nice enough but he just really interferes with everyone. Apparently yesterday afternoon he told my supervisor that a computer folder needed to be looked at and cleaned up. Then this morning he cleans it up himself--however, because it's on a shared drive and connected to ALL the databases, that really fucked up access to templates so half the people weren't even able to do shit this morning. Grr.

Then there's the job/apartment hunt. God I'd give anything to find a real job and get paid more than peanuts. I'm not even able to work as long or make as much money as I did last summer and it miffs me because I really want to squirrel money away while I hunt. I did that for the past two years and have some decent savings, but still, I SO want to move out of this hellhole into some place NICE for a change.

So. No boyfriend. No job. No apartment. Aargh.

And on top of that I just feel like a selfish bitch whining when so many of my friends and family have more important stuff going on, and I feel for them and worry and stuff, and yeah.

I want a hug!!

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