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The sad part? I understood every word...

You may need a dictionary to read!

From: Journal of Knowledge Research

Vol. 42, 2005

INFORMATION DOES NOT EXIST

Jack Napier1, , , Seto Kaiba2 and Yuffie Kisaragi2

1James T. Smith Library, Brooklyn College, Brooklyn, New York 11210, United States
2Kyuzo Institute, Osaka University, Osaka 565-0871, Japan

Available online 1 April 2005.




Abstract
We proffer an epistemological, ontological, and ecumenical analysis of the informatics zeitgeist surrounding librarians and so-called information scientists. A fuzzy systems tautomerism and transformative hermeneutic lexiae with stemming metadata shows that behind an axiometric normalization of mutually reinforcing moieties, institutionalized metaphors, and naïve liturgical dogmas lies nothing more than gormandized aphorisms and pseudoscientific quanta. This endemic helix permeates the koans of nacirema determinates and quidditative paradigms alike. The operationalized gestalt is collapsed, as with its photonic counterpart, via an interaction among the cromulent a priori of epiphenomenal knowledge management and the parsimonious lorem ipsum of atomistic artificial intelligence and its ilk. Neither the nascent yet positivist hyperliteracy movement nor the transactive pedagogical convergence of jingoistic multiliteracies possess the constituent wherewithal for explicating the existence of information per se or affirming the verstehende of contemporary librarianship; you can't eat your cake and have it too. Ramifications for string theory and consciousness studies are also addressed.

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