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Title: Totally Not a Stockholm Syndrome Thing
Author: caitri
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, Spock/Uhura
Rating: PG
Word Count: 851
Summary: Leonard did not need this on top of everything else. A BTVS/Trek XI mash-up.
Disclaimer: I know this may come as a shock, but I am not, amazing as it may seem, Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Paramount or Bad Robot. Nor Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy. Just so you know.



“You worry too much, man,” Jim says. His eyes flick up, past him, and for a half-second he starts before relaxing back into his familiar, smug confidence. “’Sides, the cavalry is coming. Don’t worry,” he adds, blue eyes turning gold as his game-face appears, fangs extending, “I’ll make a distraction. See ya, Bones.”

Leonard starts to tell him not to call him that for the eleven millionth time since Nero’s coven had brought him here, but the vampire is already gracefully leaping down from his cage.

“Hey, guys! Who wants to play a game?” Jim asks, pushing the fledglings around as he is wont to do. He hits each of them on the head in a mockery of playfulness. “It goes like this. ‘Duck! Duck! Dead!” He snaps the neck of the last one and the vampire bursts into dust.

Leonard should be horrified at the casualness with which he watches Jim kill, but really, he’s too focused on his friends coming to his rescue as they move quietly in the dim light of the factory.

“Leonard!” Nyota’s voice is fraught with worry as she takes in the bruises and cuts on him. “Are you—“

“Scrapes,” he says gruffly. “It’s nothing. Look, we need to get out of here—“

“Gaila and Spock have our backs, don’t worry.” The Slayer’s grin is damn near feral. “Any second now—there!”

An explosion rocks the building.

“Whoo! Time to par-tay!” Jim sounds gleeful, but Leonard doesn’t dare look in his direction.

Nyota breaks the locks to his cage with ease. She shrugs at his expression—he had tried picking them, wearing them down, and of course they hadn’t given during his whole imprisonment. “Super strength. Sucks for school lockers, epic for getaways! C’mon!” She puts an arm around him, using the rope around her shoulder to rappel them down to the ground with ease. Any other time he’d be terrified of the height but, well, his life is being saved, so he’s over it.

Another loud boom, and the old building quakes around them again. “What is that?” Leonard asks.

Nyota looks sheepish. “Pavel and Scotty made it,” she answers. “I didn’t ask. And don’t tell Pike. He kinda doesn’t know.”

“Right. Keep the Watcher out of it. Got it.” Leonard’s not—he’s just not going to think about it. At all. He looks over as another vampire is dusted mere feet away.

“I got one!” Gaila says delightedly, appearing abruptly with a crossbow. She turns to Spock. “Did you see that? I got one!”

“I am most thrilled for you,” Spock says dryly, but it’s clear all his attention is for Nyota.
“Are you—“

“We’re fine,” she says hurriedly, meeting his glance and then looking away.

Yeah, nothing going on there. Idiots. Leonard snorts to himself.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here, before—“ Nyota breaks off, because that’s when the Master appears.

“Slayer!” Nero’s voice rings out. He regards the havoc before him with astonishing equanimity, half his coven dead, his nest falling to his ears around him. “You dare?!”

“It’s a hobby,” Nyota chirps back. She adopts a casual stance, one Leonard has seen all too often when she’s arguing with the other cheerleaders at school. “What can I say? I got bored of shopping.”

“Insolent—“ Nero breaks off, looking down in shock. A stake sticks out of his chest. The vampire looks dumbstruck, and infuriated. “This isn’t how it goes!” And then he’s dust.

“Blah, blah, blah,” Jim says. He smirks, and takes in the rag-tag band of the Slayer and her friends. “All talk, no play. I hate dudes like him. Don’t you?”

“You!” Nyota’s voice drips with venom as she drops into fighting stance. “We’re going to finish this.”

“Guys, we’ve got to get out of here!” Hikaru appears, Pavel and Scotty following, all of them with faces covered in soot. “Like, pronto!”

“We will,” Jim promises Nyota. His eyes shift to Leonard just for a second, and he feels himself grow cold, then hot at the memory of their fevered kiss earlier. Then Jim’s gaze is completely on the Slayer. “But not tonight. We’ll dance some other time, ‘kay?” And then with supernatural speed he vaults upwards and out of the window.

“I’m going to kill him so bad,” Nyota mutters, but then their friends are pulling them away, and into the night.

Soon enough they are back at the library, and Pike looks stern, the Watcher infuriated that they didn’t call him. Spock and Nyota avoid each other studiously, Pavel sits at his computer to do research while Hikaru looks over his shoulder anxiously, and Gaila and Scotty flirt quietly in the stacks.

No one asks Leonard why he’s not more roughed up than he is, and he doesn’t know how to tell them about Jim Kirk chasing fledglings away from him or bringing him non-gross food and band-aids. Doesn’t know how to tell them he owes the charismatic vampire.

Doesn’t know how to tell his friends, his Slayer, that he’s kinda maybe, for the first time in his life, in love.

Comments

( 84 comments — Add your .02 )
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gadgetorious
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:29 am (UTC)
OH GOD. In my head, Jim and Bones both have 90's hair. Why is that the detail I focus on, you ask? BECAUSE. IT'S 90'S HAIR.

Also, <3 forever.
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:46 am (UTC)
DUDE, the MENTAL IMAGES. *stars in eyes*
(no subject) - emiliglia - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - claudia_nic - Apr. 6th, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Apr. 6th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 08:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Apr. 6th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - claudia_nic - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gadgetorious - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
aadarshinah
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)
oh, oh my... I don't know whether to *squee* or *fan self* at thought of future amazingness this crossover promises.

though you do seem to have posted this fic twice...
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:47 am (UTC)
D'oh! Fixed!!

And I have a problem. Clearly. *headdesk*
sail_aweigh
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:38 am (UTC)
I LOOOOOOOVVEEE YOOOUUUU!!! ::jumps up and down with glee:: I♥UI♥UI♥UI♥UI♥U
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:48 am (UTC)
Right, so instead of a firstborn can I have, er...something else?

;)

I BLAME THIS ON YOU AND lindmere!!
(no subject) - sail_aweigh - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:02 am (UTC) - Expand
What Nyota Saw - sail_aweigh - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: What Nyota Saw - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 03:02 am (UTC) - Expand
lindmere
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:42 am (UTC)
Ha! Only you could write a fic to explain why you're not writing a fic.

That you're totally writing, right?
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:49 am (UTC)
Hi, have you met me? I'm Cait, I'm special.

And I don't know? Hopefully not? I have too many WIPs and a real novel to write and oh yeah, I'd like to get tenure and stuff! *grump*

I only did THIS because apaprently I am a) a glutton for punishment, and b) you and sail_aweigh clearly bring out the worst in me!
(no subject) - rubynye - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:24 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 02:44 am (UTC) - Expand
emiliglia
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:56 am (UTC)
MORE MORE MORE!
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:03 am (UTC)
*grumbles* Y'know, the whole point of this exercise is cos I don't have time to do the real challenge, and if I did it still wouldn't qualify cos it would be this ridiculously long epic, and I really need to NOT be giving into my addictions, cos I have this OTHER epic that won't stop growing, and work is coming out of my ears, and, and, and.... *pouts*
cookiechris80
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
buffy, in the star trek 'verse? or star trek in the buffy 'verse? :O hot damn! loving this! let's totally go to the bronze tonight, k? k. thanks!
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC)
lol, glad you liked it! *G*
ebilchickens
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:21 am (UTC)
This is too epic for words. Nyota-Slayer and Bones being Bones and Vamp!Jim... So need more of this. Though it's completely awesome on it's own. Much <3
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC)
*G* Glad you liked it!
rubynye
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC)
You're a Xander girl, aren't you?

*fistbump*

I really adore this, not least (unsurprisingly) Nyota as the Slayer. :D
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:44 am (UTC)
Any resemblance I may have to Zeppos is purely coincidental.

;)

Re: Slayer Nyota: I'm coming to the belated conclusion that I have been unconsciously "correcting" a lot of the sex/color problems I had/have with TOS. Like my current WIP is becoming this whole colonialist critique thing and that's part of why it's getting out of hand. *grumbles* *headdesk*
(no subject) - rubynye - Apr. 13th, 2011 10:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 13th, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:02 am (UTC)
Pike in tweed. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.
(Deleted comment)
reena_jenkins
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:05 am (UTC)
This? Was brilliant.

I am a great big ball of happy right now. :-D
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:06 am (UTC)
*squishes you delightedly* Yay!!
(no subject) - reena_jenkins - Apr. 6th, 2011 03:08 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 6th, 2011 03:09 am (UTC) - Expand
weepingnaiad
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:08 am (UTC)
This is how you don't do a challenge? This was awesome and there needs to be more! Because Jim and Bones in this are totally epic and destined. Oh, my heart!

caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:10 am (UTC)
Yes, but this is me. If I did it what I considered to be properly it would be a 60k+ epic of Whedonian ridiculousness!!!!

Also, I adore you. *squishes delightedly*
tocourtdisaster
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:19 am (UTC)
Okay, I've never seen Buffy (which yes, I realize is practically sacrilegious, but that's how it goes with me), but I seriously love this and if you ever dig your way out if WIPs, I would love to see this continued. :-)
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:20 am (UTC)
*shakes head at you*

I adore you but you bewilder me sometimes. *grumbles* Never seen Buffy.

*squishes*
blue_jack
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:30 am (UTC)
OMG, this is awesome! XD XD XD THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE. MORE, I SAY!
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 03:32 am (UTC)
*breaks down* *mumbles* Working on it. *is weak*
amine_eyes
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:47 pm (UTC)
INTRIGUING :D

Also, interesting :D I like Jim being the sort of bad guy, nice twist on the Bones! Vampire thing :)
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC)
*G* Glad you liked it!! *squish*
(Deleted comment)
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC)
*G* Glad you liked it.

And sigh, four words: Sehlats Ate My Baby.
dreambastion
Apr. 6th, 2011 04:04 pm (UTC)
OMG LOVE! You are the queen of crossovers/mashups. You make these things work when I wouldn't think they would do anything but blow up... lol

Fabulous!
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC)
*blush* Glad you liked it!!!!!
claudia_nic
Apr. 6th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
There will be more right? Cause we didn't actually get to see them kissing. And I still have to figure out who will be exactly who and I need more info to do that :D
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC)
*pained sigh* Yes there will. Because I have an addiction.

And four words: Sehlats Ate My Baby.
(no subject) - claudia_nic - Apr. 6th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
avictoriangirl
Apr. 6th, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
How are you so awesome? Seriously, I'm surprised that the world can even contain your awesomeness. ♥ x infinity!
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
*squishes you soooooooooo hard* Can I just keep you forever? Pleeeeeeeeease?
(no subject) - avictoriangirl - Apr. 7th, 2011 12:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - caitri - Apr. 7th, 2011 02:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
eyesofshinigami
Apr. 6th, 2011 10:09 pm (UTC)
I thoroughly, enthusiastically, and emphatically endorse this as complete and utter awesomeness! *thumbs up*

I'm such a Buffy geek and this made me squee like you wouldn't believe. Of course Jim is the charismatic vampire. Can't you just see him rocking the leather jacket? (Just not Spike's badly dyed blond hair. OH GODS)

I think you would own my soul if you continued this. :D :D :D /dorking all over you. So fantastic. ♥
caitri
Apr. 6th, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC)
*G* Glad you liked it, bb!!! I'll see what I can do!
joirerson
Apr. 7th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
OMG GRABBY HANDS OVER THE WHOLE THING.

SO MUCH YES.
caitri
Apr. 7th, 2011 02:30 am (UTC)
LOL! Work work work! :P
kimuracarter
Apr. 7th, 2011 03:32 am (UTC)
Squeee! This was so fun!
caitri
Apr. 7th, 2011 03:42 am (UTC)
*G* Glad you liked it!!
erynwen
Apr. 7th, 2011 02:30 pm (UTC)
So I'm not the only one who always thought that Spike and Xander had something going on? *gg*

And I'm with gadgetorious - they all looked rather like in that terrible movie back in '92 *gg*

caitri
Apr. 7th, 2011 02:47 pm (UTC)
Did you SEE season 4? It's practically CANON!
(no subject) - erynwen - Apr. 7th, 2011 02:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
lulabel
Apr. 9th, 2011 06:03 am (UTC)
O. M. G.

This is beyond brilliant - I can totally picture all of them as the Snoopy gang. Jim as Spike, Nyota as the slayer. I'm all QUIVERY.
caitri
Apr. 9th, 2011 05:16 pm (UTC)
*G*G*G* Thank you, bb!!!!!
anutty1
Apr. 10th, 2011 02:21 am (UTC)
Two of my biggest loves, Buffy</> and Trek together, and mashed up so perfectly, it can only be Caitri! Great job!
caitri
Apr. 10th, 2011 03:54 am (UTC)
<33 *squishes you delightedly* Glad you liked it, bb!!
rachelmorph
Apr. 10th, 2011 03:44 am (UTC)
Oh my GOD. If Buffy became Nyota and Spike became Jim, THIS is what would happen.
caitri
Apr. 10th, 2011 03:55 am (UTC)
...Mostly, yes!! *grins fiendishly*
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