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Herewith friends, let the record show that on today, the 9th of August 2010, a new and landmark understanding of Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings was reached in the bowels of The Wicked Awesome Library & Archives, specifically within the Administrative Suite, at the hour of 1:05 pm, by Lyndsey, Todd, and Cait.

This discovery took place just outside the Director’s office, and lo it was fortunate that he wasn’t actually there, but was in fact out to lunch, which was a really good thing considering there was a lot of cackling and cussing involved.

~

It started off with a discussion of why Éowyn and Faramir would hook up:

TODD: I mean, it doesn’t make sense, right? You have the most badass woman in the book, and…Faramir.
CAIT: The guy with the daddy issues.
LYNDSEY: Well, really, it made sense for her to end up with the most badass guy in the book, who was Aragorn, but he was, y’know, taken and all.
CAIT: And Éomer’s other most badass guy, but he was, y’know, her brother.
TODD: Éomer was not badass—
CAIT AND LYNDSEY: YES HE WAS!
LYNDSEY: The Rohirrim are the most badass Men in the books!
CAIT: It’s all those decades of fighting off the encroaching Orcs and Saruman and all—
LYNDSEY: And they’re riding around on the plains, saying “Fuck you, Gondor!”
CAIT: Bad. Ass.
LYNDSEY: Totally.
TODD: Okay, fine, so Éomer’s badass—
LYNDSEY: Yes.
CAIT: Thank you.
TODD: --and that only really leaves the Elf and the Dwarf, and she couldn’t pick one of those.
LYNDSEY: I would’ve picked the Elf.
TODD: And he would have said, “Thank you” and then “Oh look, here come a hundred thirteen-year-olds to admire me.”
LYNDSEY: So, yeah, Faramir.
TODD: So Faramir, ever the class act, hit her up in a hospital.
LYNDSEY: And what did that conversation go like?
TODD: (baritone) My Dad runs this place and tried to kill me. (falsetto) I killed the Witch King. (baritone) So I know this awesome soldier’s bar down the street…

And then it became a matter of unpacking all the family relationships involved:

CAIT: So it’s like a footnote in the books that Denethor’s wife kinda had a thing for young Aragorn, back when he was running around with Théngol and all.
TODD: So wait, you’re saying that Aragorn could be Boromir’s Dad??
CAIT: Well I wasn’t before, but come to think of it--
LYNDSEY: It explains a lot now!
TODD: The intense resentment with Aragorn—
LYNDSEY: Why Denethor has a really warped relationship with his sons—
CAIT: Aragorn kissing Boromir and crying in the movies—
LYNDSEY: I think we’re on to something here.
TODD: Let’s think this through though. Because he really loved Boromir, who was all big and manly and badass, while Faramir was all scrawny and wimpy—
CAIT: Still hot though. (pause) I’m just sayin’.
LYNDSEY: Well then it becomes like a self-loathing issue, too, because Denethor wasn’t badass—
TODD: So he really hated Faramir because it reminded him of himself, while Boromir was like Aragorn, which adds this whole new messed-up aspect to the thing…
LYNDSEY: Wow.
CAIT: Dude.
TODD: Everything about that last book makes way more sense now.

Comments

( 5 comments — Add your .02 )
gadgetorious
Aug. 10th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
That second conversation. Oh my god. Everything DOES make sense now. O_o
mallorypen
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:55 am (UTC)
Little did Tolkien know he was creating the largest Freudian fantasy fuck-up in to ever be told. Aragorn, that young scamp, gettin' with the Steward's wife!
caitri
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:56 am (UTC)
Hee!!! EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW!!!!!!!!
dramapunk
Aug. 10th, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
bwahhahahaha....omg this gave me a laughing fit.
caitri
Aug. 11th, 2010 03:18 am (UTC)
Good! It made us crack up too!!!
( 5 comments — Add your .02 )

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