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One of Those Days

Feeling like a little kid, I stayed home today and watched Star Trek reruns with my teddy bear. I'd give anything for some jello.

Been trying to write about things as a way to deal. Make a story out of it all.

Lots of things to deal with. Not just me, but others too. Andrew's shrink is trying to get him to grow up and have him stick to an increasingly bad situation. I now officially want a tshirt that says "SHRINKS SUCK."

I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when my life got complicated. I used to be such a happy boring person and nothing ever happened and now there is drama everywhere of varying levels of scary. And I try to talk about it and it makes no difference or I get in trouble and I don't talk and it strangles me up inside.

The funny thing is now that I've known what true fear and loss of freedom are, things still try to be difficult. Why? Why do we do these things to ourselves, just because we believe them to be right or we are told so?

What would happen if I dropped it all right now? If I said "I give up!" and stopped dealing with the boys, if I sucked it up and moved out of my hellhole to someplace better, if I stopped school or gave up on this course of life and tried something else? Would that make things easier or just more troublesome?

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July 2017


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