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Nothing like insomnia and a philosophical moodswing. How do you learn to fall out of love? It occurred to me earlier this evening that that was something I've never figured out how to do, despite sometimes less than desirable treatment. Sure so-and-so treated me like a pet and afterwards I felt like a bit of a joke, but part of me would still take a bullet for him. Um yeah.

So witness me biting the fucking bullet: I want to run up to Life and Love and kick it in the balls. How do I get over it? Assuming anyone besides my friends reads this, please post, as I've no help from my books. It seems every chick in Literature who gets brokenhearted either dies or ends up marrying the Steward of Gondor. I find neither of these particularly viable options for getting my shit wired.

In the meantime, lists of things I hate about the guys in question, just in case that will help.

The Fuckwit
-unable to muster feelings in return
-lies by omission
-yanking of chain
-general flippancy or avoidance of dealing with my pain due to same
-like drug: capable of sending me into violent highs and lows

Not the Fuckwit
-unable to muster feelings in return
-like drug: providing feeling of general contentment and comfort

Um yeah, and this is why I'm a masochist. Grr. Argh.

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February 2018


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